Fumbling Towards Here

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

When Tomorrow Comes

Posted by dakota on September 15, 2008

This week had a number of themes which for various reasons have left me exhausted, headachy, happily surprised and horny.   I’m too tired to explore these tonight so for the moment I’ll just hit the headlines as it were.

Mulberry and I have successfully completed nine days of injections with the cherry on top trigger shot last night. The trigger was a bit nervous making — more for mulberry than for me since she was the one administering it.  One needle.  One shot.  One night only.  She did great.  And all in all, it all wasn’t so terrible giving myself the other shots. Having a cute cheerleader with blissfull furry friends always helps of course. Who knew?

Tonight I feel bloated and uncomfortable. For last several days, however, I have felt headachy and more aroused than a three-testicled tom cat. Even with so many things going on, I have not been able to keep my mind/hands off my lovely spouse who has been waiting for me to arrive home from work at one a.m., well past her bedtime, to help me with the injections. Is it just me or have others experienced this heightened state during this process as well? No Dakota, just you. Moving on.

Tomorrow the doctor I dislike and described in a recent post is the one who will do the retrieval. Monday is our REs day off and she will actually not be in town. In her sweet and humane manner she called me and expressed her regret that she couldn’t come in herself because she has a lecture to deliver to residents. We had been hoping for a Tuesday or Wednesday retrieval, but she fears it will be too late by then. She also noted that I will be under conscious sedation so I will basically out of it for the procedure anyway. Between my streams of tears, I heard her to mean you don’t have to deal with him anyway and he’s very good at this technical part so you are in good hands. I have decided to chant for him–for his skillful retrieval of my eggs and for both of us to tap into our highest selves tomorrow. Small steps for big dreams. I have done harder things I remind myself.

So tomorrow it’s seven follicles, two women, one doctor and twenty minutes with no commercial interruptions. I’m slightly nervous but eager to get this part over and hoping for good results. It is again one a.m (my bewitching hour) and poor mulberry is again up waiting because she fears if she goes to bed without me, I’ll just stay in the living room and be up half the night.  She’s right.   I’m signing off.


Posted in ivf, medication, Uncategorized | Tagged: , | 7 Comments »

Moving Day

Posted by dakota on September 8, 2008

Since my girlfriend is insane (very sexy and sweet but) definitely insane, we are moving both our blogs to wordpress. All I did was mention that wordpress seemed cool. Even with all the templates, the column for writing seemed too thin on blogger. Maybe we should consider moving. Then whompt techno girl brought us over.  WordPress does seem to have more publishing possibilities so away we go.

Hope you come along.

You can now find me at http://fumblingtowardshere.wordpress.com.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

One great thing. One infuriating thing. And there is swearing in this post

Posted by dakota on August 20, 2008

I met my beautiful new baby cousin today. Her mom, my cousin, completed what she deemed a three year pregnancy and just returned from abroad to pick up her little girl. My aunt pulled me aside and said she had never seen her daughter so happy. I had to agree with her. Although my cousin has not really slept in two weeks, she was — I hate to use a cliche but–truly glowing. At a little under two years old, the little one is brilliant (uh of course), strong willed (duh another family trait) and just a love. We spontaneously decided to drive over and have her meet my mom as well. It was a veritable love fest! My cousin whispered to me as we parted, “You and mulberry better hurry up. She needs her baby cousins as playmates.”
Sweet. Incomparable to the news I would be punched in the stomach with as I drove home.

While for the last few days I’ve been trying to gather my feelings around our new plan of action, the insurance company has thrown in a new twist. They’ve denied our claim for mulberry’s IVF. They say she has to have supposedly tried six (!) times before they would allow it. Does that mean if she had a husband with viable sperm and they had been trying for six months she would qualify? I don’t know. I do know I am furious and disappointed and and and it smacks of heterosexist garbage! Although my feelings are mixed because of my own issues (feelings of guilt, loss) we along with our doctor should have the final say on what is the best plan of action for our family.

We are waiting for our doctor to contact us regarding this. We talked about the possibility of our doctor making a case for needing IVF due to advanced maternal age. Mulberry brought up that if this case is successfully made, it may backfire on us if we want to go back to IUI with her at a later date.

Then I started thinking, insurance companies try to deny people with cancer vital services they need so why would they act differently here? I just want to step out of character and say SHIIIIIT! F*CKING A**WIPES ! I hate them all.

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

haiku allergy prayer #1

Posted by dakota on August 6, 2008

goddess please help me
not remain a lezzie who
achoos coos for cats

Edit Note: I welcome anyone’s haiku prayer for the day/week. The structure is three lines with five syllables in the first, seven in the second, and five for the last. Give it a try? Would love to hear whatever/angry/hopeful/whimsical. xxoD.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

guest blog by mulberry….

Posted by mulberry on July 28, 2008

…shamelessly squatting on my gals blog in hopes of finding a kitty home 🙂

we need your help…

two little kitties were abandoned near us and our roommate shenendoah found them and brought them home till we can find a place for them… we wish we could keep them, but dakota is allergic – and though she says she will take allergy shots so we can get a kitty someday, she can’t do it now while we are gearing up for ivf meds and all…

they already seem to know how to use the litter box quite accurately 🙂 and they are very very friendly and comfortable with people, the little grey and white one is on my lap as i type this…

if you live in NYC and can take these absolutely adorable little siblings – please please please email me as soon as possible, so we can arrange for you to come get them. we have to place them tomorrow, monday.

email us at mulberrymail@gmail.com

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »