Fumbling Towards Here

Archive for the ‘gratitude’ Category

America Like Me*

Posted by dakota on November 5, 2008

…To fling my arms wide
In the face of the sun,
Dance! Whirl! Whirl!
Till the quick day is done.
Rest at pale evening…
A tall, slim tree…
Night coming tenderly
Black like me.

Langston Hughes, Dream Variations

I cannot express the level of elation I feel at the result of this election.  I called my mom on the hour while mulberry and I watched the returns on television.  My mother, a Black woman, an immigrant, a true Hillary pal, and among many things a tireless community organizer, cried tears of love and belief in Barack’s win.  Mulberry’s dad, a white man, a boy born and bred from the far west, a true supporter of strong women and family first, and one of the many who had traveled to Nevada to support the Obama grass roots efforts, blew us kisses of joy via telephone tonight.

Tomorrow I know there is still so much to do.  And tomorrow mulberry and I must still fight the insurance company.  Tomorrow we must still figure out how we are going to navigate the minefields that are both our current job fronts.  Tomorrow we still need to reconfigure our finances in addition to determining how we are going to fit in the gym and more mindful eating.  Tomorrow we must still find ways to navigate our frustration and impatience regarding our still unrealized dreams of family.   But tonight, the shift inching us toward a better place for these children we all so want feels real. There was no (fake) so called Bradley effect undermining our confidence in each other as a nation.  No sinister drawn-out battle to the steps of the Supreme Court.  Tonight I am wrapped in a cozy blanket of pride for my country.  And tonight we were shown again how the world can change again in an instant.  There is a current saying in African-American communities inspired by this election which goes like this:

Rosa sat so Martin could walk.  Martin walked so Obama could run.  Obama ran so our children could fly.

Tomorrow there is more work to be done.  But tonight, my arms are flung wide.


Posted in gratitude, life | 6 Comments »

In Case You Didn’t Know

Posted by dakota on August 27, 2008

Mulberry and I are again contemplating next moves –this time in the wake of our insurance company’s blow to our plans. The plan re-organizing coupled with Mulberry’s nausea and intestinal discomfort from the birth control pills she was taking and the heartburn and chest tightening she is experiencing from the ineffective asthma medications have, to say the least, further stressed matters. I am usually an upbeat, confident, non-swearing kind of dyke but I have been none of these in the last few days. I have felt defeated by my physical limitations, clueless, and financially retarded. Where I started to feel the most powerless, Mulberry traded places with me and started hunkering down and told me she was not ready to give up this easily. I mean the woman can’t breath but she’s ready to fight whomever. She also still managed to come through for her community organizing buddies who needed her talents to enhance a small event they were hosting. She actually had to perform a song and she did it. She was a bit worried at first of course about her breathing capacity, but in the end she did it lovingly and movingly. That is the kind of woman she is. She shows up for her friends and does her best to meet her obligations with competence and grace. It is in times like these I am struck with awe at my beloved’s tenacity of will and focus even with personal adversity. Today I am feeling grateful. Still clueless, but grateful.

Our talking is filled with anger about the situation, tears, cluelessness, strategy, respect and love love love. As grateful as we are to have each other, we have also been talking about how we both are so appreciative to all of you for your support. We started blogging to find community and to flesh out the myriad of feelings creating a family can sometimes thwart with confusion and disappointment or sometimes bloom with welcome surprise. We’ve only just started, but we feel the unmistakable sense of community with you. Certainly we have supportive friends in our lives, but we also feel so grateful to you who drop in, read, and may nod your head in silence and sometimes comment in friendship and support. This undertaking would be so much harder without knowing you are out there with us and we with you.

I don’t write as often as I’d like. My work days often bring me home well past one a.m. And I am for better and for not, a muller (there is no such word, I made it up but you know what I mean)– I have to mull over my thoughts and feelings for a while before I can articulate them. But on this one I need no extra time. Just want to reach out and say, thanks buddies. Thanks so much for being here.

Posted in gratitude | 7 Comments »